I live in a small town in Oklahoma and we’ve had our share of celebrity sightings the past couple of years. There have been two movies filmed here. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner were spotted in Wal-Mart. Julia Roberts and the twins were feeding the ducks at a small city park. George Clooney even had a facial by the aesthetician at my hair salon (giggle, I made my hubby an appointment the next day to see if she could make him look like George but he said it’s girly). The celebrities said this is a great place to film because it’s safe and friendly. They also said the local people don’t stalk them or impose on their personal lives.
I think I had a sighting of my own this week. I was in the grocery store and I think Honey Boo Boo‘s momma was shopping right beside me in the produce aisle. She looked just like her only she hadn’t plucked her chin and lip whiskers in a month. She was dressed like her and most of all she sounded like her. There was an oversized child of undetermined gender sitting in the middle of her shopping cart (Yankee speak for buggy). This child was bossing Honey Boo Boo’s momma and Momma Boo Boo was yelling threats that were embellished with swear words. This woman was scary! She threatened to take away the Moon Pies if the child said another word.
I slowly moved away and she hollered after me. “Hey! Do your youngins do this?” I lied as I was running away, “No, I don’t have kids, they frighten me!” She let out a loud belly laugh and by belly, I mean a big, dimpley, smiling navel, belly. Half of it was exposed, hanging out from under her wife beater t-shirt. Calling after me, she actually said, “See “you ins” (Oklahoma speak for y’all) later.”
I knew then, I would never darken the door of that store again. But, for a fleeting moment, I did consider going back to snap a photo of her for this blog. You know, seeing is believing.
Temptation has never been stronger but when I doubled back to hide in the potatoes to get her picture, I heard her shouting at the child, “That’s it! No Honey Boo Boo for you tonight!”
Enough said, I left.
If you suspect you have a southern celebrity sighting, please snap a quick shot with your phone. I promise I will post it, you can have your name in the credits or remain anonymous. Be careful, it’s a dangerous pursuit. If you need a therapist after the encounter, call me; I have the name of one in Hollywood.